


That's the Thing About Airplanes

by S_J_Ace



Series: The Show Must Go On! (A SaiOuma Phantom Thief AU) [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Another one of those fics thats mostly character fluff, First Meetings, Fluff and Humor, Gen, I don't know y'all im just gay, M/M, One Shot, Phantom Thief AU, Romance?, a lot of its based on the in game interactions, but you know on a plane, or at least my take on it, thats just the way it is sometimes, there are some dice folks in the background too, they're on a plane should i tag that or is it implied?, yeah we'll go with that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 23:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20825642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_J_Ace/pseuds/S_J_Ace
Summary: The guy practically skipped into the seat right next to Shuichi. Not the one in front of him, or one of the ones in his completely empty row, or even the aisle seat,  literally the one right next to him. He put his elbow on the armrest.This was the worst possible outcome.---Detective Shuichi Saihara gets on a plane to Paris tracking the flight of a notorious phantom thief from the country. While he had hoped to get some well deserved rest on the 8 hour flight, Shuichi is unfortunately seated next to an extremely chatty stranger. He lies incessantly, is extremely rude to everyone on the plane, and, worst of all, he seems to be a fan of Shuichi's work.





	That's the Thing About Airplanes

**Author's Note:**

> This is that fic I wrote on a 5 hour flight... It took me like a month to get around to editing bc school.

Shuichi Saihara shuffled into his economy class window seat and sank into it like it was the softest mattress he had ever felt. It was two am and Shuichi was fortunate in regards to the fact that there were very few people traveling to France in the middle of the night. He was used to odd hours because of his profession and had become a master of sleeping practically everywhere except his own bed. If all went well he could sleep through the whole eight hour flight and arrive just in time to stop DICE's heist on the Louvre.

See, along with being a professional insomniac, Shuichi Saihara was also kind of a famous detective. Which was, by the way, extremely annoying. How was he supposed to detect stuff when his name and face were in the newspaper for finding the stupid mammoth skeleton that was stolen from the Smithsonian? DICE probably knew who he was at this point, but Shuichi couldn't see the lone villain/possible organization caring about what he was doing. The mammoth thing had been a fluke that came out of a months long investigation into a string of extremely petty thefts. What was the first one again? Oh yeah, Kaede's shoes were stolen after a performance at Carnegie Hall that Shuichi had been invited to. They were the sneakers she was going to swap for her heels after the performance… they didn't notice the curtains were gone too until an hour later...

Shuichi was thinking about some of the case details hazily as he started to drift off.

He was jilted out of his daze by the beep of the in flight announcement system.

"Will all passengers please be seated. We'll be taking off in about ten minutes. Thanks for choosing …"

Shuichi's focus on the Captain's words faded as a few more people shuffled by his row. There was plenty of space behind and in front of him, so he wasn't too worried about anyone sitting next to him.

The last person to board was a short guy wearing a gray hoodie and weird black and white checkered jeans along with long purple hair. At first Shuichi had assumed he was with the gaggle of nine chattering people that were thankfully moving to the back of the plane, but he stopped a couple rows before Shuichi's and stood there for a bit.

Shuichi looked up at him, knowing that his own eyes were bleary with sleep deprivation and confusion. The man was giving him this weird, blank stare. It made Shuichi uncomfortable, but he couldn't process what it meant through the buzz of sleepiness that clouded his mind. Then-

Oh no.

He walked forward to Shuichi's row.

Oh god no.

The man’s blank face shifted into the most malicious grin Shuichi had ever laid eyes on, which was saying something since he used to be a homicide detective.

Anything but this.

The guy practically skipped into the seat right next to Shuichi. Not the one in front of him, or one of the ones in his completely empty row, or even the aisle seat, literally the one right next to him. He put his elbow on the armrest.

This was the worst possible outcome.

The grin suddenly became congenial in a way that made it no less menacing to Shuichi's sanity.

"Hey, aren't you Shuichi Saihara?"

Please no.

A hand extended towards his own. Shuichi stared at it blankly.

"I'm your biiiggest fan."

Shuichi shook the hand as if it were his death sentence.

A million questions surged through his brain. Why did this man decide to sit right next to him? Why would he be a fan? Was Shuichi that famous? Could he be an escaped convict he didn't recall or the family member of one who wanted revenge? … Or was he just sleep deprived and this actually wasn't that big of a deal.

The stranger kept talking.

"I read aaall about that thing with the hairy elephant and the stupid ugly criminal you've been tracking."

Shuichi's head spun. Why had he let that photographer get a shot of him? Why had he stayed for the interview? 

The grinning face of his long time friend Kaito Momota came back to him.

_"That's my sidekick!"_

Oh yeah…

"Hey are you like deaf or something?"

Shuichi blinked at him, still befuddled by this turn of events. Shouldn't he be asleep by now? Was this a dream?

"Hey. Heyyyy. Earth to Shuichi Saihara. Geez I didn't expect you to be this boring in person…"

Shuichi shook his head, "I-I-I'm sorry, what?"

The stranger huffed, seemingly upset. "Have you been ignoring me? Not a very nice way to treat your biggest fans." He crossed his arms. "I, like, totally hate when heroes don't live up to your expectations."

What? Heroes? Shuichi was not a hero. People like his friends Kaito Momota, an astronaut, or Kaede Akamatsu, a famous pianist, were heroes. Shuichi was kind of a greasy nobody… as much as both of said heroes would hate to hear him say that.

The stranger didn't stop talking. "-but you can make it up to me."

Suddenly the stranger was even more in Shuichi's personal space. He seemed to be reaching over him for something and Shuichi did not like it one bit.

"H-hey! What are you-"

Shuichi's seat suddenly gave out beneath him, the back slamming down onto the seat behind him and taking him with it.

"Ow!" He exclaimed rubbing his throbbing head.

"Oh no!" Exclaimed the man responsible. "How could this happen?"

A flight attendant just happened to be walking by.

"What happens to be the problem here gentlemen?" He asked as if he couldn't obviously see it.

_Gentlemen?_ Shuichi repeated in his head doubtfully as the stranger responded.

"What's the problem? You're asking me what the problem is?" The stranger's voice took on an angered affectation. "The _problem,_ good sir, is that this Rusty bucket of bolts you call an airplane just tried to give my husband a concussion! I could sue for this, you know."

Husband? What? What was happening? Shuichi felt like he was a step behind everything that was happening. Could the present just pause for a second and let him process.

"I'm so, so sorry sir." The flight attendant quibbled. "Here, we'll make it up to you. It's a long flight and we don't have many guests so I can upgrade you both to first class with no additional charge."

The stranger, Shuichi's "husband," harrumphed. "You better. Or my lawyer _will_ be hearing about this."

The flight attendant started to lead the stranger to his, or Shuichi supposed _their_, new seating arrangement. The stranger grabbed Shuichi's arm from where it was gripping the arm rest and dragged him up off his feet. He followed the shorter man, still a little baffled as his sleep deprived brain caught up to what was happening. He shuffled into the window seat as directed. Whereas the seats in economy had rows of three on each side of the isle, the first class seats were two seats on each side. 

Thus, the seats were much bigger than the ones in economy class, but felt a lot less comfortable than they had when Shuichi was alone and getting ready to sleep through the flight. All hope of that, however, had been dashed as the stranger settled into the seat next to him. 

"Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you."

"Of course. Ah, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble, it's just the honeymoon you see and everything just has to be perfect, you know?"

"No, it's quite alright, I understand completely." The flight attendant made a placating gesture and Shuichi noticed he was wearing a wedding ring himself. "I went through the same trouble with my husband. Really let me know if I can help you at all."

"Thanks sooo much!" He turned to Shuichi as the flight attendant turned to head to the back for take off. "Wasn't he just the nicest Shuichi?"

"... If you had enough money to hire a lawyer that could sue an airline so frivolously then you would've already been in first class."

"I'm just stingy."

"... Did you sit next to me so you could convince that gay flight attendant to put you in first class?"

The man made a shocked expression. "I can't believe you figured it out!" He turned away, making a dramatic expression Shuichi just didn't have words for. "It's true…Detective Saihara I was lying about being married to you the whole time. I thought you knew..."

"Wha- of course I knew that!" 

"Oh! How can you ever forgive me?" Were those tears welling in the other man's eyes? "Waah!" He suddenly started bawling and Shuichi felt like he was getting whiplash from this social interaction.

"H-hey! Stop that." The stranger just kept bawling. Shuichi fumbled for the handkerchief he kept in his front pocket. When he found it, he offered it to the other man.

He suddenly stopped crying. "Oh wow! What a gentlemanly thing to do!" He grabbed the handkerchief out of Shuichi's hand and blew his nose into it in pretty much the loudest, most grotesque way possible.

Shuichi blinked at him, still utterly confused. "A-are you alright?"

"Hmm?" The man looked up at him with an innocent expression. "Perfectly fine." He flipped over the handkerchief and Shuichi noticed it was completely dry. The guy tucked the kerchief in his hoodie pocket and Shuichi sort of got the impression he had just been stolen from. "Just a liar is all."

"A-a liar?" Shuichi had met a lot of liars in his career and usually they were not so honest about it.

"No, where did you hear that?" The stranger stuck his tongue out. "Ick, I hate liars after all." He shifted suddenly to a starry eyed expression. "That's why I'm _such _a big fan of yours, Shuichi."

"I-is that so?" Was he lying about this too? It was practically impossible to tell. Then again he might just be being anxious for no good reason again. This stranger may be a little… odd, but he had gotten Shuichi bumped up to first class. Maybe he should be greatful? What would Kaito do?

He hesitated before saying, "Um." Wow great start Shuichi. "Y-you seem to know my name, but, uh, what's yours?"

The stranger had a shit eating grin on. "Kaito Momota."

What. 

"What?"

"Kaito" waved his hands dismissively. "I know, I know, isn't that the name of your friend who was in the paper? That's why I read it, by the way," he said matter of factly. "Because we have the same name."

"... I-is that another lie?"

"Neeheehee… ya caught me." The stranger had a very distinctive laugh. "If you guess my real name by the end of the flight I'll give you a prize!"

"Like Rumplestiltskin?"

Not-actually-Kaito pouted. "Aww man. You guessed it the first try. That's no fun." He rolled his eyes. "I guess now you'll just have to guess my second, less cool, real name instead."

"... Honestly I'd much rather be sleeping through this flight."

Not-Rumplestultskin-either scoffed. "Why would anyone get on a flight to Paris at 2 AM if they weren't prepared to be up all night?" His expression became excited, "Oh! Oh! Oh! I bet you've got another case you're hot on the trail of, huh Mr. Detective?"

Shuichi hesitated, "Uh, sort of."

Honestly the lead on the Louvre was kind of a stretch. They had just gotten renovated both the security systems and the bathrooms. Shuichi suspected it was in DICE's MO to nab the new toilets. Again the mammoth thing was a bit of a fluke in more ways than one. The clever thing about DICE is that they usually broke into high profile, maximum security areas only to steal the most mundane items. Items that could be sold more easily for a profit than fine art or prized possessions. Like brand new plumbing parts…

When he had told Kaito and their mutual friend Maki Harukawa about his theory the two of them had exchanged a worried glance. Maki, who often accompanied Shuichi into even the most dangerous situations in his career, had put her hand on his shoulder and told him he should go to France. Not to track down DICE, but to take a fucking vacation.

"What kind of answer is that?" The stranger's question shook Shuichi out of his memories. "How can you only sort of be solving a mystery?" The man's chest puffed up seemingly with pride. "You know, I just so happen to also be a world class detective."

Shuichi raised his eyebrows, a little skeptical. "Really?"

"Yes, really!" The stranger exclaimed, sounding exaggeratedly offended. "And as a real life detective I just so happen to know that when you're working a case you work it with 100% of yourself!"

Shuichi laughed a little at that. "I guess you're kind of right about that… There's, uh, this case that I've been looking into for a long time now and I guess I have really been putting 100% of myself into it. My friends think I'm going a little crazy…"

The stranger looked interested. "Your friends? Like that purple haired guy who was in the paper? The one with the dumb name?"

"Um. Kaito?" Not-Kaito seemed to have dropped all pretense about the same name thing, "Yeah I guess him and one other friend think I'm making this thing about the Louvre up… and maybe I am a little crazy."

The stranger kept with the blank look. "The Louvre?" He asked. "Like, someone's gonna steal the Mona Lisa?"

"Uh, no." Shuichi looked away, knowing how stupid his theory sounded. "I think, uh, someone's going to take the plumbing from the renovated bathrooms…"

The other man squinted at him and Shuichi cringed, preparing for criticism.

"Wow. You must be really smart to have figured that out." His expression shifted to conspiratorial. "You know…" he started, leaning in and lowering his voice to a whisper. "I just so happen to be the leader of a secret organization with about 10,000 members. We rule the world from the shadows. I think we could use a detective like you."

Now it was Shuichi's turn to squint at him. "That- that has to be a lie. There is no possible way for such an organization to exist."

The stranger tutted in mock disappointment. "And here I was thinking you were particularly clever." That was probably part of the lie too… this was just a long way to go to make fun of him wasn't it? "Seeing as you've refused to join my organization… it seems I'll have to kill you."

Shuichi blanched at that. The phrase itself wasn't uncommon. If Shuichi had a dime for every time a killer had told him that when he was working as a homicide detective, he'd have at the very least two dollars. Which maybe wasn't that much but essentially what he was saying here was that he received more death threats than the average human being. What horrified him about this interaction was the casualness of everything leading up to it and also the fact that he was on an airplane. He usually asked Harukawa or Momota to accompany him when he was confronting a killer, mostly because they insisted and also he had to admit that Maki had the muscle mass of a bull and Kaito had the confidence to pretend he did. There were no exit routes on a plane and Shuichi's head span with all the possible ways he could be murdered.

"But," the stranger went on, "I'll let you leave this flight with your life if you can beat me in a game."

Shuichi instantly shut down his off the rails train of thought. Okay he was probably freaking out over nothing again. It seemed like his self designated seatmate was just lying to get a reaction out of him.

"Uh. What kind of game?"

"How about Russian Roulette with a full barrel?"

Shuichi sputtered, "This is a plane, you don't have a gun!" If there was an air marshal around this guy could get arrested for even mentioning a gun.

"Oh that's right, left it on my tchotchke shelf, silly me. Well I guess if you just want to beg like a dog and then split your guts open that would be acceptable."

"Um, no that would kill me."

"Damn, nothing gets past you… Hmm… Ok, how about…" the man reached into the pocket Shuichi's kerchief had disappeared into and pulled out a deck of cards. "A shadow game!"

A what.

"It's time to du-du-du-du-du-du-du-duel!"

Shuichi blinked. "A...duel? Shadow Game...?"

"Hmhmhm... Yes, the loser's soul will get sent to the Shadow Realm…" he shuffled the cards expertly, "We each pull one card from this deck, and whoever has the largest number wins!"

Is that how that show worked? The one with that kid with the crazy hair? Shuichi remembered that being on at the same time as some of the true crime shows he was into as a kid.

"It's my turn! I draw a card!" The man went on, "...Hehehe, the power of the Heart of the Cards is strong within me. I drew the number 7! It is neither high nor low! The possibility of you winning drops to 50%!"

Hhh okay. This was happening now.

"Huhuhu... I end my turn. Now, it's your turn! Draw your card, and unleash your attack!"

"Ah, okay…" Shuichi picked a card. Huh, fancy that. "A seven."

The stranger's face shifted to one of exaggerated shock. "Wh-What!? How can this be!? You drew the Monster Reborn card!?"

Yeah it was pretty statistically improbable. Kaito would probably know how improbable. He was surprisingly good at math.

"Nee-heeheehee…" the stranger issued out another distinct laugh. "You truly are an amazing duelist, Shuichi. You aimed for a tie instead... You intrigue me."

Shuichi shrugged. "I wouldn't say I did that intentionally…" Shuichi was vaguely familiar with how card tricks worked from one kind of nasty murder that happened in a bar. Cards had been really important for some reason. But anyway if anyone had forced the outcome here it probably would've been the dealer, in this case the stranger.

Said man went on unphased, "But, this is the end for you! I'd let you live *only* if you had beaten me! You only have three trials left in your life, so you better entertain me until then!"

Shuichi squinted, a little bit, no actually a lot bit, confused. "Wait so you're going to kill me if I can't draw a card higher than yours again?"

"Nah, I'm bored of this game" the stranger shoved the apparently just loose deck of cards he had back in his pocket. He turned back, suddenly excited."Oh! I know. We should play rock paper scissors instead."

Shuichi blinked at him. What was the purpose of this? Why threaten to kill him for this? It wasn't like rock paper scissors was even a particularly fun game… 

"Rock, paper scissors…" they said together as they both hit their hands against their palms.

"Shoot!"

… It was a tie.

"Hmmm. Let's try again." Said the stranger.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

...Another tie.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

Tie.

"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

Tie.

They kept going and Shuichi lost track of time as a statistical marvel unfolded before them. They tied every single time. They just… kept going.

It began to occur to Shuichi how strange this situation was. This guy had read his name in a newspaper, introduced himself, got them both bumped up to first class and now they were playing rock paper scissors… or was it just odd because Shuichi himself would never have the self confidence to pull that off? If Shuichi saw someone in the paper he found impressive on the plane, maybe like detective Kirigiri from his local precinct, how would he react? Or maybe he shouldn't compare seeing himself on an airplane to seeing her. She had a lot more cases under her belt after all…

"Rock paper scissors shoot."

Tie.

"Rock paper scissors shoot."

Tie.

… okay if he was comparing himself unfavorably to her even without seeing her on a plane in this hypothetical situation it only further served to prove the point that maybe he only thought this was weird because he was a socially awkward piece of gum stuck to a chair who would really rather be sleeping right now.

"Rock paper scissors shoot."

Tie.

"Rock paper scissors shoot."

Tie.

"Rock paper sci-"

"Oh my God shut up already." The man sitting in front of Shuichi hit the back of his seat. Shuichi flinched out of the repetitive motion.

"Uh. S-s-sorry." He mumbled suddenly longing for his hat. He used to have a hat he would pull over his eyes when he was embarrassed. Kaede convinced him to get rid of it a little after they first met and Shuichi still found himself missing it during particularly embarrassing chapters in his life. Such as right now… 

The man beside him shook his head. "Gosh Shuichi you really were being just too loud. You're like the loudest person I've ever met."

More often than not Shuichi was accused of mumbling and asked to speak up, so purple hair's criticism seemed inaccurate. That wasn't going to keep Shuichi from being self conscious about it though. Haha, thanks brain.

"Ugh that game was getting boring though, and no one won so it's probably time for something else." He leaned over looking into the aisle "Hey when's drink service?"

"Coming right up~" came the voice of a flight attendant far too chipper for… whatever time of night it was by now.

A brown haired woman with her hair in twin tails was pushing a drink cart from the back of the plane to the first row of seats. Shuichi and his strange seat neighbor were in the last row of the first class seats, so they wouldn't get their drinks right away.

Said strange guy turned to Shuichi, apparent excitement written on his features. "Hey, Shuichi! We should have a tea party!"

Shuichi squinted at him. "A tea party? I don't think they have hot-"

The other man scoffed and leaned back in his seat. "Well oooobviously you wouldn't know anything about it. I'm the leader of a super secret organization after all, so of course I know about the super secret drink menu available on all air planes."

Shuichi frowned. "But they couldn't bring anything to make the hot water with on an airplane…"

The guy shook his head dismissively. "Just watch."

The drink cart eventually made its way over. Shuichi noticed the flight attendant was wearing a lot of makeup.

"And what would you fine sirs like to drink?" She asked in the same chipper tone.

"A cup of hot green tea." The stranger requested.

To Shuichi's complete and utter surprise the flight attendant said "Sure thing!" Before pulling a steaming pot of tea out of one of the drink service cart compartments. She grabbed a hot drink cup that looked like the kind of paper cups you get at Starbucks. She poured out the tea for him and then turned to Shuichi. "And what about you?" She asked 

Before Shuichi could process even the faint hope that they might have espresso on this plane, the stranger ordered for him. "Shuichi here will have the same thing."

She smiled at him. "Of course. Anything added in like sugar or cream?"

Shuichi was cut off from answering again. "No, we're both taking it plain today."

"Oh, really?" She asked, reaching for another cup. "Alright then." She poured one out for Shuichi the same as she had for him.

She smiled congenially. "I hear you two are on a honeymoon? That's so lovely. Can I see the rings?"

Shuichi was about to flubber something out but his neighbor beat him to it yet again.

"You know what I hear? That lonely flight attendants should realize they're sad losers who should keep their noses out of happy people's business."

Shuichi was shocked at his sudden rudeness, but the flight attendant seemed unphased.

"Teehee~" she giggled, her smile gaining a mischievous quality Shuichi didn't have the mental capacity to decipher right now. "Yes sir! Enjoy the flight." She pushed the drink cars on past the first class divider.

Shuichi's befuddlement must have shown on his face because the stranger was quick to explain, "That was all code you know. Super secret organization stuff. You probably wouldn't understand."

Shuichi cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah." He said, "I probably wouldn't." Did people just? Talk like this?

"Neeheehee… drink the tea Shuichi, I've got to pull you into a false sense of security before your final trial."

Shuichi frowned. "I feel like by pointing out that you're trying to lull me into a false sense of security you have essentially not done so."

"See, but because you feel that way it means I have succeeded in lulling you."

Shuichi frowned, supposing that was fair. How much longer was this flight?

The answer was long. It was a very long flight. 

Shuichi wanted to be asleep for most of it but his seat neighbor was still incessantly chatty, even after drinking hot tea. The only calming effect of the tea came a couple of hours and discussions about Shuichi's old murder cases later, when Shuichi had to get up to use the bathroom and got a few minutes to himself. He considered just sitting back down in economy class after he was done but he made eye contact with the flight attendant from earlier and his brain didn't have a program for trying to show mlm solidarity and also admitting that he had been complicit in fake gay marriage so he went back to first class. When he got back the stranger he was accomplice to was doing a Sudoku on an in-flight magazine in purple pen. He folded it up and stuck it back in the seat pouch before standing up and bowing ceremoniously to Shuichi as he shuffled awkwardly back into his seat.

"Welcome, combatants." The stranger said real dignified-like, "Take your seat and prepare for the final trial."

"What is it this time?" Shuichi asked, a little past unamused at this point. 

The stranger tsked at him, "You could stand to be a little more concerned mister detective, it’s your life on the line after all."

What were they going to do, play go fish?

The guy reached into his hoodie and Shuichi saw the flash of metal as he pulled his hand out of his pocket.

Shuichi flinched away from the blade instinctively. "Is that a knife? How did you get a knife on the plane?"

"Oh, a villain's got his ways." He winked at Shuichi as he pulled down his tray table.

Was there an air marshal on board?

Shuichi looked around frantically, but there wasn't even a flight attendant in sight. To make matters worse, all of the people sitting around them were clearly fast asleep. 

"Now this game's pretty easy to understand, but you gotta be skilled. I'll go first to show you how it's done."

Shuichi watched helplessly as the guy began to furiously jab the table between his fingers, going in a row from left to right then reversing and picking up the pace.

"H-hey!" Shuichi exclaimed, hoping that someone, anyone, would overhear. "You're gonna hurt yourself doing that!

"Pff, as if I would. Here it's really easy." The man kept going faster and faster. It was pretty impressive until-

*Schlick*

He suddenly stopped. Shuichi watched in horror as red bloomed from the man's pale index finger, dripping dark onto the beige airplane tray table.

"Agh!" Shuichi exclaimed, "You're bleeding!"

The other man didn't respond, looking at his finger blankly as his blood dribbled out of the knick in it.

Shuichi, however, was quick to act. He grabbed the other man's hand in his own without thinking and put it in his lap as he shuffled around in his coat pockets for the Band-Aids he always kept on hand. He finally found them, and unwrapped one. He gently held the stupid guy's hand up while he cautiously wrapped his index finger with the bandage. "You really ought to be more careful." He muttered as he finished wrapping it up.

The other man was still giving him that blank look.

Shuichi looked up at him. "What is it? Are you alright?"

The man seemed to regain his composure, whipping his hand away and putting his arms behind his head nonchalantly. "Geez," he said in a petulant tone of voice, "I can't believe you actually beat me."

Shuichi blinked at him in confusion. "Beat you? But I didn't even play…"

"Doesn't matter." He moved to lean his arm on the rest in between them and propped his head up. "The rules were if I cut myself I lose, and I lost."

His expression turned from disappointed to mischievous. "Although, it doesn't matter if you join my organization or not anymore, Shuichi."

"Uh, it doesn't?" Shuichi had been under the impression that this was some sort of prank and it hadn't mattered the whole time."

"Nope." He leaned in closer. "Because I've already done something much more important than winning."

His face was suddenly very close to Shuichi's. Had his eyes always been this dark? "W-what's that?"

"I've stolen your heart." He said smugly and Shuichi felt his face go red. The man whose name he didn't even know leaned in even closer to say. "Because I'm a thief you know?"

Before Shuichi could process that at all, he heard the distinctive sound of a seat belt unbuckling. The man he had just spent the last 8 hours sitting next to practically flipped out of his seat. He landed light footedly on the tray table of the sleeping man who had been sitting across from them. A half drunken Sprite spilled into the aisle. _Drugged_. The word flashed through Shuichi's mind as he noticed everyone who was a sleep had half drunken beverages laid out on their tables. Shuichi tried to unbuckle and stand up, beginning to catch on, but he looked down to realize his seatbelt had been tied into knots while he wasn't looking.

"Hmmm, I really should kill you, now that you've seen my face," the thief said, hopping airily down from the tray table to grab his carry-on from beneath the seat. He pulled out of it a distinctive smirking clown mask.

_DICE._ Shuichi's brain screamed with the realization.

"... But I think that'd be a waste, don't you?" He slipped on some white gloves and tossed a piece of paper towards Shuichi. It fluttered to the ground at his feet. The clear as day logo of the DICE calling card glared up at him. The thief began to casually walk back down the aisle.

"Somebody! Stop him!" Shuichi yelled, straining to lean over the seat and peer into the aisle.

He saw the twin tails of the brunette flight attendant that had served the drinks at the end of the aisle. To Shuichi's horror the woman turned around to reveal a white mask with painted eyebrows and a big red nose. Lying next to her on the ground sat the tied up body of the male flight attendant who had switched their seats earlier. Eight more people stood up, all with similar masks. Shuichi realized they had congregated around his old seat, which just so happened to be…

The emergency exits???

A large man with a big red clown wig wrenched open the windows and Shuichi felt the change in air pressure instantly and fear filled his gut with doomsday possibilities. His flight companion, on the other hand, practically fucking waltzed down the aisle.

"So long, Mr. Detective!" He yelled, coming to the row where his crew had gathered. "Better luck next time."

He jumped back first out of the plane and the rest of DICE followed. Shuichi realized bleakly that they were probably dropping over the Louvre right now, and there was nothing he could do about it.

For a few seconds, Shuichi just sat there, listening to the air suck out of the cabin behind him, processing what had just happened and trying desperately to undo the knot securing him to his seat.

Someone finally woke up with a yell, jumping up and closing the hatch. It was too late, though. DICE was gone. People started to wake up all over the plane as mutterings of confusion broke out.

The pilot, who was apparently none the wiser of what just occured, piped up over the com. 

"Alright folks, it's been a long flight, but we're just about ready to land. Keep those cellphones in airplane mode and buckle up."

Shuichi groaned, giving up the struggle with the knot in his seatbelt. By the time they had landed and he could use his phone to call the cops, the Louvre would be toiletless. He sat back in his seat, utterly stunned by this turn of events. He suddenly felt like he had lost everything. 

Although… if that were the case…

Why was his heart beating so loud?

He leaned over to pick up the card that had been dropped at his feet.

While a similar calling card had been found at every scene of a DICE crime, most of the messages found on then were vague and hidden with layers of meaning. This one, however, was incredibly simply worded, even if no more trustworthy than any other.

It was written in that purple pen the thief had been doing a Sudoku with earlier, or perhaps so Shuichi had thought.

It read the following:

You know, you're not quite as smart or dashing as I thought you'd be Mr. Detective, but you aren't so boring either, so I'm going to give you a hint.

Love,

-K.O.

P.S. Hope the honeymoon is just as nice for you <3

**Author's Note:**

> Aaah, hope people like this. It's a bit silly but I like the AU. Probably just because I'm really into action manga haha. Anyway this is a one shot, but maybe it could be more? I have a lot of AUs in my brain all the time, but a lot of them lack proper narrative structure tbh. Maybe I could do like, a series of one shots or something? If that makes sense. Anyway let me know how you feel please!


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